Wisdom from Heaven

It doesn't happen very often, but sometimes I wake up with a fragment of a thought in my head - usually it's a verse or a song lyric. Does this ever happen to you? 

Yesterday morning I woke up with the words "the wisdom from heaven is..." floating in my head, like the last remaining vapor of a dream. I noticed it, but was not completely awake, and quickly forgot about it. Later that day I was scanning radio stations and heard someone preaching about asking for wisdom. That reminded me to look up the verse: James 3:17.  

James says that "earthly, unspiritual" wisdom looks like jealousy and selfishness, and "wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind." (James 3:13-16 NLT). Ouch.

I'm not proud to admit it, but that's been me. I've been bossy, nagging, passive-aggressive, manipulative, defensive, and vindictive. I've been anxiously controlling. I've held onto self-pity and bitterness in my heart. I've tried to preserve my own power and comfort, and tried to find security or approval at the expense of loving others or trusting Jesus. I've resented people who seemed to "have it better" than me. 

It's not pretty.

None of this brings me peace or creates peace in my home. None of it feeds my soul. Living this way damages my own heart and spirit and wounds people that I claim to love. It feels like withering away instead of thriving.

But that fragment of a verse gently reminded me that there is a different way. 

Pure. Peaceable. Gentle. Open to reason. Full of mercy and good fruits. Impartial. Sincere. 

Dear God, That's what I want. That's how I want to live. I want to be a peacemaker. I want to be fruitful. I don't want someone else's life, and I don't want to waste the life I have. 

That fragment of a sermon I heard on the radio about asking for wisdom? That comes from a verse found in the book of James too: 

Wow. All I have to do is ask? 

I sense something shifting in my heart and feel a hopeful (as well as a little anxious) glimmer in my spirit. It feels like change is looming on the horizon, like a slowly approaching sunrise. 

Dear God, please show me the way.